Decisions, decisions

When I was in high school I had a t-shirt that said “I think I’m indecisive, but I’m not sure.”

I don’t remember who got it for me— my mom or my dad.  Either way it was obviously the right t-shirt for me.  I would take me ages to decide what to eat, to decide what to buy.  One of my favorite activities in college was to go to a bookstore and spend a few hours looking at things, picking things off the shelf.  Maybe buying something, maybe stashing it in my mind for next week or next month.  I still love doing this, only with fabric, and online.

My new job involves making a lot of decisions.

This is something I probably should have anticipated.  I get to decide who to hire, what equipment to buy, what software to use, what to study, how to spend my time.  It’s totally awesome.  Except that it totally plays to all my weaknesses.

There are a lot of neuroscientists who study decision making.  This week I heard two different talks on the subject.  One about deciding which way some dots were moving.  One about deciding when to eat. The first talk was highly controlled, highly quantitative.  The second qualitative and striking.  I don’t know that either speaks to the problem I have.  What is different about my brain that makes it so hard to put in a purchase order?

Maybe this is something I can get better at.  Once upon a time I was a painfully slow writer.  Then something shifted and I can now bang out a rough draft pretty quickly.

If this is something that will improve I hope it happens soon.  I still have a lot of stuff to order.